The Art of The Quickie - Sexy Mama Style

Remember those nights when you and your beloved would spend hours gazing into each other’s eyes, drinking each other in, the Kama Sutra open next to your love nest, soft candlelight reflecting off warm skin, oils and lubes waiting. And then somebody said “Let’s have a baby”.

Now I love babies, my life is dedicated to pregnancy and birth, but let’s be realistic- that little picture I just painted doesn’t happen too often after kids are added to the family.

Don’t worry, those nights do happen, they just require a little more planning. More about that scenario in next months column. For now let’s get down to the heart of the matter, how to get off as quickly as possible.

There is a time and a place for hour’s long sexcapades but right now we are talking about 5 minute monkey lovin’.

1. The first rule of quickies, everyone gets off. No one is left hanging and NO ONE is used as a masturbatory aid. That’s what sex toys are for.
2. Speaking of sex toys…use them! Well lubed and well placed, that’s my sex toy motto. Use them separately or on each other or while having sex, it’s all good!
3. Some people say it’s not a quickie if it’s pre-planned. Those people don’t have kids. Pre-plan! Have the lube and toys ready (batteries checked). Don’t wear underwear. Hell, get together with your day planners. If it means someone is going to be touching your bits, do it!
4. Your brain is your largest sex organs so don’t forget to lube it up. Brain lube includes: thinking dirty thoughts all day, posting smutty sticky notes around the house (and reading them), looking at sexy pictures that turn you on.
5. Location, location, location. If your bed has morphed from a love nest to a family nest move to the couch. Fenced back yards are always fun but then you have to bring the baby monitor and that might kill the mood. The shower, with it’s built in sound dampening and extra steam is an awesome quickie location.
6. Do 10 kegels. A few squeezes, coupled with a quick erotic fantasy, and you’ll be half way there. Tip: use Ben Wa balls for a little something extra
7. Consider all of your options. Maybe this week's quickie is oral pleasure, next week is anal. Don't fall into a quickie rut!

Now go have a mind blowing orgasm you crazy kids!