Erotic Talk for New Parents

When you become a parent your conversation skills devolve into three main topics: poo, vomit and sleeping habits. Now, those topics may get you through a playdate but they are NOT going to help in the bedroom.
So, come on, let’s put sexy back into your vocabulary.

Step One: Find Your Comfort Zone

Use words that you know and feel comfortable with. If you don’t have a clue what a whisker biscuit is don’t use it in the bedroom.
This is also a great time to figure out which words you think are sexy. As you practice you might discover that you actually find cunt much more satisfying than pussy. Or maybe penis just doesn’t do it for you but shaft does. If your partner doesn’t have a penis but does have many different cocks you may want to name them all!
Own your words, confidence is SEXY!

Step Two: Communicate

Now that you know which words turn you on, it is time to communicate with your partner. You need to find out their sexual vocabulary and merge the two. Take it from me; it’s a good idea to find out that your partner hates the word tits BEFORE things get hot and heavy.

Step Three: Practice

Whether you write your words in your daytimer, use magnetic words on your fridge or repeat your favourite phrases in the shower, practice is the key to mastering erotic talk. Practicing will also help build your confidence and will make asking for what you want in the bedroom much easier.
Once you have your vocabulary in place it is time to practice tone and speed. Sexy is all about the delivery.
Sometimes you need to say it low and slow & sometimes you need to say it with authority. Play with your words and phrases using different tones, speeds and inflections. Consider which gestures, caresses or actions would go well with your words.
If you happen to have a really light sleeper in the next room, practice your quiet, sexy voice. If the little one will be making an afternoon visit to the babysitter it just might be the perfect time to practice your confident and commanding voice.
Keep your phrasing simple. Here are a few sample sentences:
“I want your adjective noun in my noun”
“I want to verb your noun”
“Verb my adjective noun”

Step Four: Using Your Mad Skills

Now that you’ve found your words, coated them in sexiness and have perfected your erotic purr it is time to share your talents!

Set the stage, dress the part and know your lines. I promise it will be a romp to remember.

Sexy Mama’s Starter Vocabulary List

Verbs
fuck, make love, bang, hump, shag, sleep with, go down, pump, tongue, screw, lay, finger, peg

Adjectives
wet, hot, soft, juicy, creamy, randy, hard, big, tender, throbbing, swollen

Nouns (feminine connotations)
pussy, breasts, tits, bust, boobs, rack, bosom, cunt, nips, cherries, cookies, fanny, twat, snatch, box, biscuit whiskers, ruby fruit jungle, yoni, vag, va jay jay, hoo ha, kitty, love tunnel

Nouns (masculine connotations)
cock, dick, prick, member, pecs, shaft, Johnson, legend, tool, peter, little elvis

Gender-free Anatomy
chest, butt, bum, ass, nipples, back door, front hole, bits, pucker, taint, lips, hands, fingers, thighs, toes