Long term gay male couples and non-monogamy

Research shows that approximately two thirds of long-term male couples who have been together for five years or more are non-monogamous and honest about that. 

A new study, Beyond Monogamy: lessons from long term male couples in non-monogamous relationships examines this lifestyle option. The authors interviewed 86 couples and from that emerged the reasons why a majority of gay men choose to have more than one lover and be open with their partner(s) about that.

A key finding of the study is the lack of social support for such relationships even in a community that believes it is path-finding:
"Although some study couples were very transparent about the openness of their relationship, this was not the case for most. As one participant shares:
'Having an open relationship feels like a funny way of being in the closet again. Family and friends expect that we’re monogamous, and we don’t tell them we’re not. It’s like a secret. When we travel for work or to see family, we leave friends (and colleagues) at 10pm and then we go out. In our community and society, it feels like something huge isn’t being talked about orstudied or understood.'"

Another finding was the value of mentors who have walked this path before. The authors state:
"As a community, we know from our own experiences of coming out that visibility and dialogue are critical. If you’re bucking societal norms, it helps to have like-minded souls to reassure you that you’re not alone. If you’re charting a path where there is no roadmap, it helps to have folks who have been there or who can engage with you in your navigating. The study couples who reported having mentors were uniformly grateful."